R O B O T P A C I F I E R

OPL

Recently, I seem doomed to end up behind the old people cliches...the ones who slow down traffic, the checkout line, customer service, the path to leaving this body and transcending into pure energy...so I came up with this little nugget of impractical catharsis...

There needs to be a special lane for the middle-aged and old ladies. The OPL, the Old People Lane, or the SSS, the Senior Slug Superhighway. A special lane where they can write their checks, and spout endless, useless minutia to the clerk at the grocery store. A special lane on the highway and roads where they can drive a comfortable 15 mph below the speed limit, not pay attention to the right of way, and change lanes without looking because they are too busy on their goddamn cellphone. A special lane at every retail store where they can take forever to decide if they want to sign up for the store's credit card and can dig endless in their bottomless purses for the checkbook. They should have these lanes, so they can appreciate how fucking nuts they make the rest of us, the people who understand deciding what you want in a timely fashion, cutting out the chit-chat, debit/credit cards, and hitting the fucking gas pedal.

And they should have a special lane for me, the IMFRL, the Impatient MotherFucking Robot Lane.

:)

posted by rp @ 3:56 PM